Stop! You'll poke your eye out!

I sat on my glasses yesterday. For the past 14 years I have worn glasses every day of my life. Take off my glasses and I can't read a stop sign from 20 paces. Now my 4 year old Lenscrafters specials are completely flattened with the temple snapped off on the right side. I’m trying to tape them together with some black electrical tape. It's 6:15am in the morning...

Well... what a guy to do but bend them back into place and get to work. I ride into work wearing my Rx sunglasses and debate whether to endure the humiliation of wearing sunglasses all day or trying to hang my standard glasses on my face and hold them in place with my index finger. I take the sunglasses. Noontime finally arrives and I pay a visit to Lenscrafters.

"No, Mr. Hammond, I'm afraid that frame style was discontinued years ago. Besides the computer says that the last check-up you had was in 2000. Would you like to schedules another appointment?"

I'm the type of guy that avoids doctors of all types, especially guys in a chain retail store at the local mall. I decline and leave. Next stop, Costco. They can take me at 3:30pm. Back to the office with my shades on.

At 3:20pm I go racing out of the office and cross town to Costco (getting "crosstown" in Reno is a pretty quick process). While the doctor at Costco quizzes me about the lowest line I can read on the chart, I start to notice the rack of contact lenses on the wall.

"So, how big a hassle are contacts?"

The doctor, probably amazed that he had a patient asking some open ended questions, starts pontificating about the joys of contacts. Within ten minutes I'm holding my eyelids open, starting at a point on the ceiling, and trying not to flinch as the doctor tries to stick an Acuvue Soft Lens in my eye.

"Hold 'er steady… Lots of first-timers have trouble putting in contacts... Especially men"

I'm not sure why men have more trouble then women sticking their finger in their eye but it took me about a dozen attempts. Now, a day later, I'm sitting here typing this without glasses. I’m blinking like crazy and my eyes feel like I've been up all night watching television, BUT I’m not wearing glasses. I’m told that these contacts will get easier to put in over time and the irritation will go away. Maybe I just need to take it like a woman.

Okay... Time to start looking for new sunglasses!